The Language of Letting Love Go
In the not so distant past a person that I would have given my very life for said to me “to know the right or wrong thing to do in the heart is a complexity.” I thought about this statement for a while, and I have to agree. Love is tough.
If your in the first phases of letting go, you probably feel as though someone has punched you squarely in the solar plexus, matched with a healthy desire to begin crying/screaming in equal measure. If you’re more the reserved type, maybe you’ve executed a well-intentioned plan to set it aside and not consider the loss that has just tilted your world on its axis. Regardless, the one that you love has said it…hopefully with some dignity and grace, not in a text message - that the relationship is over. You are struggling through the first stages of grief. I remember those first days when the love of my life left me, and empathize. Here are some suggestions from those of us in the trenches that have loved deeply and lost.
The physical signs of grief will lessen in time. Yes, I realize that your skin may be crawling off your bones, and that your desire to pick up the nearest glass object and hurl it is overwhelming at moments. Consider putting away that special glassware that mum gave you and resigning yourself to prowling around thrift marts or garage sales to pass the time away from “familiar areas.” But get up and moving to lessen the physical side effects of a loss. I started a full on workout routine at a local club, and got a really great sign on deal. I also checked out in home Yoga videos to use for stress control. I am reading a book on reclaiming my own emotional center and changing my emotional anchors. Trust me, your body will appreciate your wish to become more in tune with it’s needs.
Have a good cry. After my breakup, I literally found myself on my hands and knees on the floor, unable to breathe or make a coherent sentence. A few days later, I had moved to allowing myself a few minutes each hour if necessary. Two months later, I was able to traverse the entire day without anxiety medication or eating unhealthy foods. Crying will release the stress that your body feels, and express your sadness.
Talk to a trusted friend. Do not - I repeat, Do NOT vent your feelings on Facebook or Twitter. The lack of context will make you sound off base or bitter, and the overall impact to your employment may be negative. A trusted, impartial friend or counselor is a better choice. The point of talking is not to keep the relationship virtually alive in your mind, so beware what type of conversation you have. For me, it was the complete shock of the man who wanted to spend his life with me changing his mind in the space of forty-eight hours. I didn’t understand how someone I trusted with my life could act so badly to me in the flash of a moment, and make decisions that changed my life without allowing me to even take part. I never ready for how much I would miss his friendship..or that it was not truthful. This absolutely out of character action undermined everything I knew about us. My post relationship dialogue with trusted counselor made me incredibly angry with insights about my relationship and the mental health of my former flame once all the details were out - and I had to be willing to acknowledge those possibilities.
The Language of Letting Love Go